Stressed?  My friends and I have been talking about our stress lately.   So today I’m revisiting a previous post on coping.  

It is our nature to comfort ourselves in times of stress.  Anxiety takes over and so does our "fight or flight" response.  Our comforts are a way of escaping or running away.  Babies soothe themselves with a binkie or a blankie.  Adults have it tougher.  With a fully-stocked, virtual medicine chest full of treatments it’s so easy to reach for temporary albeit, destructive help.  Soothing in the moment, regretful in the morning.  These kinds of comforts seem to work until we succumb to illness or injury.  

How do you cope with life's ups and downs? It can be a tremendous challenge to stay on track when you feel overworked. Through several years of trial and error I've developed my own toolkit of strategies. Coping strategies come into play for me when an entire month is over-scheduled or when I'm hurting from loss.  Even with tools in place it's not easy, particularly when I'm stressed.  But I keep trying.  Yes, these strategies can work for us, wouldn't it also be great if we could teach our kids how to deal with the tough times they'll face as adults?

Here is my basic set of tools:
Be Gentle
Take Care of Yourself
Get Outside
Ask for Help
Be Creative

Be Gentle. This is number one on my list because it's the toughest for me to remember. When you live by the calendar and the schedule and the clock it's easy to push yourself too hard. And that's precisely why we need extra special self-care.  Being gentle means forgiving--the true essence of love.  It’s reserving a bit of the love you send to family and friends and turning back towards yourself.  Would you forgive your over scheduled child’s messy room and your grieving friend’s forgetfulness?  Grant yourself the same gentle care.  

Take Care Yourself.  Do you live by your “to do” list?   Can you turn a list of chores upside down and just once a week put fun at the top?  Scheduling play offers respite from your stress.  With something to look forward to you lighten your internal load.  Also, plan ahead to assure your life is running smoothly in spite of any outside chaos.  Stock up on healthy foods so there are good choices at home, at work and in the car.  Do you have the time to make one big meal?  Make it a good one that will see you through a few days.   And allow yourself a few moments of introspection.  Stress fills all the empty space with noise.  Like static, it’s a constant grit in the background.  Taking some time to journal or to close your eyes and slow your breathing in mini-meditation will turn down the volume of the chaos.

Get Outside.  There's nothing like taking a walk to keep you quite literally grounded.  There may not be enough time to work out--you may not even feel like exercising--but find a little time to take a stroll or just sit outside.  Being outside demonstrates where you fit in the world. While walking look down at the tiniest ant; then up at the expansive sky.  Breathe in the fragrant morning and see the vibrant colors.  Take a moment to experience all the sensations and know that you play a unique role in this incredible place.  Stop and savor "....the tastes and smells in the air, the feel of the wind as it caresses the skin, the feel of the ground under our feet as we walk upon it. And how much easier it is to feel that ground if you allow yourself to sense that the ground itself is feeling your steps as you walk upon it." quoted from-David Abram, fr. The Spell of the Sensuous via Keri Smith's blog.

Ask for Help.  Stress turns us inward.  It can be a lonely place.  And physically painful.  Picture the pain of heartache.  Do you find yourself withdrawing, even clutching your chest?  Reaching out feels counter-intuitive.  In spite of the discomfort it is important to keep reaching out.  Remember:  if you ask, you will receive an answer.  If this is as challenging for you as it is for me, then start small.  Ask for help in your journal....or in your heart.  It is enough to ask, “may I have help managing my stress?”  After loads of practice asking God for help you may find the courage to reach out to people too.  When you receive help--give thanks.

Be Creative.  Stress and loss and pain feel destructive. Direct that negative energy towards creating and it becomes a positive outlet.  Play like a child.  Scribble with crayons.  Find a soup recipe that will help you take care of yourself.  Make up a silly song while you drive to work.  Collect a leaf, a feather, a stone from your walk and make a place for them inside.  Write your stresses in a journal. Play.

How do you manage your stress?  Will you try these strategies the next time?  Their common thread is attention to the present moment.  Stress takes us away, to either the past or the future.  Next time you feel like running away--stay.  Fear not each disquieting moment.   Focus on the present.   Each time you try, it gets easier. 

This advice is meant to address stress; not depression.  Are you so stressed that your feelings interfere with everyday life?  Learn more about the warning signs of depression.

I've been making notes for this topic for quite some time.  For several weeks now I've come across objects that meant a lot to me.  At least, they used to mean a lot to me.  I began to wonder why I was hanging on so tightly--even to broken mementos.  My original concept was "letting go" which implies the release of non-essential holding/then relief.    Last week I recognized a twist which alters the exercise and affects the results.  The first scenario seems slightly negative.  Why not a creative approach?  How about making room or creating space to achieve a fruitful outcome?   

The end of school is an easy time for a test.  Changes are built into our schedules in the form of fewer obligations and longer, warmer days.  Last year at this time I first considered ending my youth orchestra.  Consuming much of my time for the past six years, the group was straining my resources.  Membership and funding were down significantly last season.  I asked myself a lot of serious questions but the crucial one was, "what would my life look like without it?"  After deciding to suspend operations until January, another opportunity came out of the blue.  It didn't take long to realize that working for someone else teaching elementary orchestra was more rewarding.  I closed one door; another one opened. 

There are physical ways to create space.  Spring cleaning is a time-honored method for freshening a stagnant home.  The change from winter to summer means it's time to put away the bulky boots and sweaters and haul out lightweight shorts and sandals.  A new hairstyle or color might also make you feel lighter than air.  There are also emotional ways to create space.  The main one is….

Rest.  Slowing down is a great method--if, you can do it.  That's a big "if" for me.  Orchestras, classes, commitments and students had wrapped.  I had an opportunity to fine tune next season's workload and consider changes.  This was my time to take a closer look at my choices.  I should have had the time--instead I filled my schedule with exercise, errands, ...stuff.  I realized I was spinning my wheels just as fast but with different tasks.  In other words, I'd been running away from my breathing room and wasting precious time.  

Too bad I had to figure this out the hard way.  Instead of simply resting my body took over.  Colds, back pain, foot pain--all literally knock you off your feet making sure you slow down.  Apparently I really needed space because last week I injured my foot on a run.   After the initial frustration and considerable pain I wondered if this was just what I needed.  Fight it or accept?  Continue to clutter my head or be alone with my thoughts?  Now off my feet for a week and a half and counting there's time to soak in Epsom Salts and journal and think.   I created space and now I have the space to create.

I woke up this morning qestioning my coping strategies. I know that they work beautifully for me when I'm functioning as an individual. There's another dimension to stress when you add a partner. How can I develop effective strategies to handle relationship stress? In challenging times I want to put more focus on asking for help.

We've been working hard these past few weeks. There have been rehearsals nearly every night. We've worked on the weekends. And more rehearsals for me during the day. My husband is up before the crack of dawn every day to teach school. It's been tough to talk and to connect. And even tougher to reach out.

I'm managing my stress during the day yet when evening comes around it feels familiar to retreat into my separate self. Hiding in my tortoise shell I feel lonely and alone. Despite my list of coping strategies and my best intentions somehow fear clouds my thinking.

This is exactly the time I could ask for help and receive much needed support. And I can do that if I plan ahead. I'll set an intention to make a request and trust that my needs will be met. Some gently whispered words of encouragement are what I need most. After a long day and an even longer night, when he's trudging up the stairs to fall into bed, I'll ask for help.