It's transition time.  Back from a week of camping after finishing the summer opera season I'm trying to get back into some kind of routine.  Oh, if only I could remember my routine.  Practice.  Exercise.  Cook.  Schedule students.  Add 9 months of rehearsals and concerts to my Planner.  Ah yes, it's coming back to me now.  The school year reads like the back of a shampoo bottle--lather, rinse, repeat.  Unfortunately my current lack of momentum makes a routine seem hopeless.  So even though getting back to a regular daily schedule is at the top of my priority list it's also dead last in my consciousness.  I need an Inside Out Makeover  more than ever.  Which brings me to the next article in this series…..

#4 Attitude

Are you confident?  Do you know someone who is?  That's the first thing I notice in another.  How they carry themselves.  How they interact.  How do they do it?  Confidence is my Achilles Heel.  And I envy those who possess it.  After struggling with a lack of self-confidence for half a lifetime I have finally discovered the magic formula.  It requires effort but the rewards are plenty.  It doesn't require money or study; it does require….. acting.  Just a few subtle, internal changes can make you seem self-assured.

Walk with purpose.  A confident stride goes a long way towards boosting your self-esteem.  And it's best done in heels.  Not only will they see you coming; they'll hear you too.  YouLookFab's post, "Why High Heels are Fabulous,"  points out that increased height, shapely calves and the all-around girliness of high heels can make you look and feel fabulous.

This spring I was surprised to discover I had lost enough weight to wear a favorite pair of shorts.  I dressed them up with a cute top and  high-heeled sandals and headed for the market.  I felt so pleased with my spring outfit and sassy heels that I strutted into that store like I owned the place.  At the entry a fellow shopper pulled down his sunglasses to take a second look.  At checkout, a clerk half my age flirted with me.  I could hardly believe the effect of my purposeful stride.  I left the store with a wry smile and renewed confidence.  

Posture.  I'm not going to tell you to stand up straight.  Your mother already did.  What I will share is a tip I learned from public speaking.  In order to stand with an air of confidence you should first rise to a standing position, stop and take a moment to pull yourself up to your full height, take a breath, straighten your shoulders and then walk.  This process may feel like it takes an eternity.  Time is on your side.  It may feel quite uncomfortable at first.  As if all eyes are on you.  Well, they are, but in a good way.  Trust me.  You will rise to any public occasion while exuding confidence and composure.

Focus on your positives.  We all have good points and bad points.  Why draw unnecessary attention to your negatives?  Anna Quindlen wrote a hilarious article on this subject that has stuck with me through the years.  "Putting Up a Good Front" describes a woman who looks supremely confident and pulled together on the outside yet is hanging by a thread on the inside.  She's me.  And she's Everywoman.  Read it and see yourself.  Then the next time you leave the house with the hem of your skirt held in place by staples you'll laugh.

Confidence isn't a mask that hides imperfection's shame.  It's knowing you can "act" self assured while realizing you're human.  It's having the courage to get out there and strut your stuff. 

(While researching this post I stumbled on the groovy theme from pop star show "Thank Your Lucky Stars" written by Peter Knight and the Nightriders.  It's too good not to share.  And I think I just found my new personal theme music.) 

#2 Accept Compliments and Give Thanks

Second in a series on giving yourself an Inside-Out Makeover,  this step asks for awareness and acknowledgement.  

It's easy as pie for me to be my own worst critic.  I've had years of practice.  In Accepting Myself I wondered how lovely I'd feel if I saw myself through my husband's eyes.  Your spouses, coworkers and friends are constantly sending positive feedback.  Listen carefully to your reaction.   Rather than disagreeing, stand a little taller and say, "thank you."  Believe them!  They love you.

And while you're at it, be grateful.   Because your gaze is directed outward you may find this simpler than accepting compliments.  Just take notice of the lovely things that happen each day.  I like to note the smallest details; it makes the big picture much rosier.  All that really matters is you will be sending more gratitude into the air.  And that's good for all of us.

Then add these moments to your memory banks.  Remember the good things about you.  Remember the good things that happen each day.  Allow them to become a part of you.  You have the power to change your wiring.  Rhonda Britten in Fearless Living asks us to spend time each night before bed making a list of compliments and gratitudes.  Imagine a special book filled with wonderful thoughts about you!  Putting the words  in writing makes them even more powerful.   

I've been making notes for this topic for quite some time.  For several weeks now I've come across objects that meant a lot to me.  At least, they used to mean a lot to me.  I began to wonder why I was hanging on so tightly--even to broken mementos.  My original concept was "letting go" which implies the release of non-essential holding/then relief.    Last week I recognized a twist which alters the exercise and affects the results.  The first scenario seems slightly negative.  Why not a creative approach?  How about making room or creating space to achieve a fruitful outcome?   

The end of school is an easy time for a test.  Changes are built into our schedules in the form of fewer obligations and longer, warmer days.  Last year at this time I first considered ending my youth orchestra.  Consuming much of my time for the past six years, the group was straining my resources.  Membership and funding were down significantly last season.  I asked myself a lot of serious questions but the crucial one was, "what would my life look like without it?"  After deciding to suspend operations until January, another opportunity came out of the blue.  It didn't take long to realize that working for someone else teaching elementary orchestra was more rewarding.  I closed one door; another one opened. 

There are physical ways to create space.  Spring cleaning is a time-honored method for freshening a stagnant home.  The change from winter to summer means it's time to put away the bulky boots and sweaters and haul out lightweight shorts and sandals.  A new hairstyle or color might also make you feel lighter than air.  There are also emotional ways to create space.  The main one is….

Rest.  Slowing down is a great method--if, you can do it.  That's a big "if" for me.  Orchestras, classes, commitments and students had wrapped.  I had an opportunity to fine tune next season's workload and consider changes.  This was my time to take a closer look at my choices.  I should have had the time--instead I filled my schedule with exercise, errands, ...stuff.  I realized I was spinning my wheels just as fast but with different tasks.  In other words, I'd been running away from my breathing room and wasting precious time.  

Too bad I had to figure this out the hard way.  Instead of simply resting my body took over.  Colds, back pain, foot pain--all literally knock you off your feet making sure you slow down.  Apparently I really needed space because last week I injured my foot on a run.   After the initial frustration and considerable pain I wondered if this was just what I needed.  Fight it or accept?  Continue to clutter my head or be alone with my thoughts?  Now off my feet for a week and a half and counting there's time to soak in Epsom Salts and journal and think.   I created space and now I have the space to create.

A few weeks ago a colleague and I were in the green room preparing for a concert.  "I don't think I could ever wear skinny, white jeans" she said, "they would show every bit of cellulite." This woman is tall and reed thin and makes clothes look fantastic.  I managed to mumble an agreement all the while thinking she would look stunning in skinny, white jeans.  My mind was racing, "I wear skinny, white jeans and I don't look anything like her.  Maybe I don't have any business wearing them."     

Oh dear.  It was a meeting of inner critics disguised as girl talk.  Actually, I think we have similar image issues.  We obsess over the imperfect details--our own details--and trust that's all anyone sees.  To have a positive impact on your body image I believe in a two-step process--accepting yourself and dressing the body you currently have.

In January when I noticed my extra pounds I took another look at myself and my routines.  My  fashion attitude had taken a turn towards comfy sweats.  It may sound trite but I had let things go.  During the holiday break I wore roomy sweaters and baggy jeans.  I skipped hairstyling and makeup.  It was time for a pick-me-up.  The internal shift towards acceptance is gradual--but it gets a boost from taking care of your outward appearance.

Feet hide from view in winter boots and cozy socks.  Why not do something just for me?  My first step-- a pedicure.  Even if I'm the only one who will see my pretty toes.  When Valentine's Day rolled around I wondered how to do something sweet for myself.  I made an afternoon date at the Nordstrom cosmetics department where I had a Bobbi Brown makeover and tried a new perfume--Grapefruit by Jo Malone.  In a few hours I looked and felt delicious and it didn't cost me a dime!

Next, the clothes.  For me, clothes are creative expression.  They reflect my mood, my sensibility, my whimsy.  Putting them together is a little art, a little technique and a little more disguise.  I'm a huge fan of makeover shows like "What Not to Wear" and I have been for years.  I love to see the positive and empowering transformations.  Their advice "dress the body you have,"  is repeated on every episode.   My current favorite resource to dress the body you have is the blog and so much more, YouLookFab.  On this excellent website you'll find body type guidelines, style advice and a welcoming, supportive forum.  Using YLF tools I went back through my closet to find the clothes that worked together and followed rules for my body type while making me feel my absolute best.  

Newly accepting and freshly adorned I'm back to myself again, inside and out.  And feeling confident allows me to support my gal pals too.  Next time I see my friend I'm going to tell her to go shopping--because she would rock a pair of white, skinny jeans!

I stood up and walked across the room.  "I sure do like to look at you,"  said my husband with a smile on his face.  Did I say thank you?  No.  I made a face.  "I look terrible,"  I protested.  No make-up.  No shower.  Still wearing filthy clothes for walking the dogs and working in the yard.  Not only did I reject the compliment, I felt irritated.  "Well, I still like to look at you."  Does he see something I don't?

My weight had been creeping up since January and I felt self-conscious.  I started the year off on the wrong foot as far as forgiveness goes. Proud of a minimal holiday weight gain, I had resolved to start right in on a diet and exercise plan January 2nd.  Well, my normally foolproof system didn't work this time around.  After a couple of weeks I was holding tight to a couple of pounds.  But I had let go of my resolve.  

I decided to let my weight be for a while and redirect my focus.  Since my unsuccessful diet attempt I had spent a few weeks in a serious funk.  I wanted to make a change--what about accepting myself the way I was?  Accepting that winter might add a few pounds.  Accepting that I may have to explore another way to shed weight.  Accepting that the timing wasn't right.  And so I turned to my morning pages.  I started every day by writing the words--accept yourself.  My mantra.  A persistent reminder to be gentle.

Well, that's easier said than done when your jeans are cutting into your waist.  March's gorgeous weather finally had me running again.  On the other hand, March's celebrations had me eating birthday cupcakes and an insidious deep fried Twinkie.  Two pounds grew to 6.  I stuck with my mantra through the sweets and the celebrations, the sweat and the pavement.  And by the time April rolled around I was absorbing the change.  Buoyed by physical exercise and positive reinforcement I finally felt ready to shed the weight.

A month later exercise is working.  A healthy diet is working.  Accepting myself?  I'm working on it.  Accepting compliments in spite of my perceived appearance could be a new mantra.   Yet...this is still a challenge for me.   I wonder how much more accepting I would feel if I saw myself through my husband's eyes?