I ran through a somber checklist. The losses were numerous. When I had counted ten years of heartache, pain and loss I stopped. My grief was a habit. When did charming memories of my precious babies transform to a thousand tearful goodbyes? When did copious meals shared with laughing friends become a bitter taste in my mouth?
I had refused to let go. Of the hurt. I told myself I had moved on. I told myself I was over it. The truth was an ugly claw had grasped my heart. And held on so tightly that all I could feel was the poignant moment of loss. No before and no after. I was perfectly balanced on the point of pain.
Since that day my intention is to practice love. Last year I read a profound article in Prevention Magazine. I hoped to credit the author but my copy has gone missing. She described an exercise practiced in meditation. Hold an image in your cupped hands or your heart and imagine happiness. Imagine your mate at his happiest. Imagine yourself happy. Do this daily and after a time you will feel a change in your own heart. Love. You will feel the love of forgiveness and acceptance.